“Thrift Shop,” Valentine’s Day, and My Experience Watching “Honey Boo-Boo” (Not In That Order)

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”

–  Johann von Goethe


There are certain things we (I) stumble across in the world on which I feel the need to comment. I’m not exactly sure what I want to say at the time, but I tell myself that it would be a crime to not even acknowledge its existence.

I have three of those tonight, and while each of them could be their own article, I don’t want to waste time by drawing the subjects out. So I’ve mashed them together in one post, just for my readers. I hope you enjoy.


1.  “Thrift Shop”

To be clear, I’m talking about the song released back in October, though it’s only recently gotten real attention. For those who aren’t familiar with this song, I’ll summarize it for you: in the music video, the lead singer—Macklemore—is walking through a thrift shop, rapping about all the cool stuff in it.

I’m not going to lie: when I first heard this song on the radio, I was sure it was a joke. It’s quite out there, and the lyrics…well, there aren’t any jaw-droppers, but still a few quirks amongst the highlights (which I’ve cleaned for language):

  • “Ice on the fringe, it’s so darn frosty. That people like, ‘Dang! That’s a cold honkey.’”
  • “Rollin’ in deep, headin’ to the mezzanine, Dressed in all pink, ‘cept my gator shoes, those are green. Draped in a leopard mink, girls standin’ next to me.”
  • “Pissssssssssss!”
  • “They had a broken keyboard, I bought a broken keyboard”
  • “I could take some Pro Wings, make them cool, sell those. The sneaker heads would be like ‘Aw, he got the Velcros’”
  • “Is that your grandma’s coat?”

And keep in mind, this is all rapped to a more-or-less-catchy saxophone beat.

I’m not sure whether to like this song or be totally weirded out by it. On one hand, it’s got a nice rythym and a unique music video, if a man in a fur coat dancing on used furniture can indeed be classified as “unique.”

On the other hand, when the middle of said music video features a woman this scary-looking lip synced to the male rap voice, I have the strong urge to re-evaluate my music choices.

Thrift Shop Lady


2.  My Experience Watching “Honey Boo-Boo”

In the publishing world, there are certain books referred to as being “high concept.” What this means is that as soon as you hear what the book is about, in one sentence, you automatically want to read it. I theorize that this logic is what keeps the world of television shows going, except instead of cranking out shows that people want to watch because they’re ridiculously good, we’re instead producing shows people want to watch because the shows are ridiculously awful.

Jersey Shore, for example. Yes, I know there are people out there who legitimately enjoy watching Jersey Shore, and I’m not criticizing. It’s totally fine if you want to sit there absorbing Snooki quotes such as, “That’s why I don’t eat friggin lobsters or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it.”

Let’s get back on track. In my humble opinion, the queen bee of awful TV shows has to be Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo. Which is why I still can’t figure out the reason behind my decision to sit down this past Saturday and watch it for two hours.

But oh, dear reader, did I watch.

And words cannot describe how broken I am.

I’m not even going to tell you which parts were the most horrid. It was all awful. Like, seriously awful. Want an example? Two minutes into the show, I was reading a book (I made the mistake of trying to multitask) when I caught this quote from my television set:

“That there’s the weirdest thing I’ve gotten since my butthole piercing!”

My reaction:

HBB Reaction

As I said: words cannot describe it.


3.  Valentine’s Day

Well, at least you can give me credit for ending this post on a somewhat upbeat note.

Valentine’s Day has always been a fun holiday for me. Though I usually celebrate its alternate form, Singles Awareness Day (SAD for short), this year was a particularly happy exception. My girlfriend and I didn’t do anything especially fancy—stuff like carrying around a life-size stuffed red bear isn’t exactly my thing—and still it was a great day. With the exception of my computer software and printer teaming up against me last night to keep me up three hours finishing a card.

I ended up making a Harry Potter one, for the record. I found a few—my favorite being one of Bellatrix Lestrange, eyes wide, with the words “I’m CRAZY for you” above her head—but I decided to make one myself. It cost me two hours, and another to print the thing out.

And it was so worth it.

As a side note, here’s a bit of general advice to anyone for next year, if you got caught this go around:

Valentine Trap

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone.