“But I’m an adventurer. I like invention, I like discovery.”
– Karlheinz Stockhausen
When I was four years old, I decided that when I grew up, I would invent some sort of powder that you can put into water to turn it into soda. I imagined being able to just take a powder pack to school for lunch, drop it in a water bottle, and boom, you have soda. I kept up with the idea well into my teens, even trying to come up with the chemistry behind carbonating water.
Then one day a few years ago, this came out:
And my dreams were crushed.
Putting aside the fact that the company was technically founded in 1903, I was surprised that someone actually invented this, and that it actually worked. That being said, I’ve decided to make a list of awesome devices that I should invent, if all other career ambitions fall through. I’m fully aware that like Soda Stream, most of these devices either already exist or are in the works. If so, inventors, get going!
1. Shower speakers
A good example of a device that probably already exists, but if it does, then I should be able to walk into Best Buy and purchase a set. Imagine this: you get into the shower, either after a long day or before the start of one. In addition to relaxing and getting clean, you could use your waterproof iPod (sold separately) and play whatever songs you want! You could go with a relaxing playlist, or contemporary rock, or else bass-filled pop for you to dance to while you wash. Don’t want to be in the shower too long? Set yourself a playlist and time the shower to turn off when it finishes playing!
2. A musical microwave
Stick with me for this one. I’m not just talking about a microwave that plays songs while it cooks your food; someone has probably invented that already. I’m talking about a microwave that plays music relevant to the cooking time cycle. For example, when you’re two minutes into a four-minute meal, it could throw in a little Livin’ on a Prayer (“whoaaa, we’re halfway there!”) For the last thirty seconds: (“It’s the final countdown!”)
And when the food is done, instead of beeping:
“When you’re ready come and get it, na na na na!”
3. A treadmill that powers the internet
I will openly admit I didn’t come up with this one; the Twitter universe did. Still, I think it needs to be shared.
So imagine that when you want to browse the internet for more than an hour, you have to hook your laptop up to a treadmill. Running on the treadmill powers your internet connection. The faster you run, the faster your internet connection is, and the faster you download things.
I’m pretty sure we would cure obesity in no time.
4. TV Wrist Band
Another device I came up with when I was around four, and probably something that’s already been invented. But imagine having a little miniature TV the size of an iPhone. And I know, you’re probably thinking, an iPhone is a TV, you simple blogger! But I don’t mean a device to watch YouTube or anything. I mean an actual TV that receives channels, where you can watch live programs as though on your TV set at home.
I know, this one would be relatively obsolete, but I thought it was a good idea at the time.
5. Tony Stark’s paralysis device, for slow walkers
Everyone remember this part in Iron Man?
Well, I think we need this device for slow hallway walkers, whom I’ve ranted about here. At first, you might be confused by this. What good would it do to temporarily paralyze people who already aren’t moving fast enough?
But think about it. If they freeze in their tracks, it makes them much easier to shove aside and brush past. Plus, then they can be more easily identified if my annoying hat solution (again, see the linked post) falls through.
6. Something that keeps your pillow cold
I don’t know what could do this, or how, but someone needs to get on it.
7. Bonus round: a $2700 HDMI cable
This is only vaguely related to my post on interesting devices, but I still thought it was worth sharing. For anyone looking for an HDMI cable for their TV, one option now available to you is a 5-meter deal for a meager $540 per meter.
Here, take a look!
I still haven’t figured out why it’s so expensive, but if anyone has some money they need to get rid of, this looks promising. The reason I’m sharing it with you, though, is for the best part of the product: the reviews.
I won’t comb over every single one—do that on your own time—but here’s a little taste. My favorite snippets include:
- “I found later that after so long alone in the house and out of Kools, that I no longer need those dreaded cigarettes.”
- “I am from the planet Norx’Blath and live in a pod-station where HD television is outlawed…I have very fond memories of receiving an HDTV when I was 267 years old, merely an infant.”
- “I saw this on amazon.paralleluniverse.uk for the unbeatable price of 3z^87 phlangths.”
- “I was going to buy a $2.82 hdmi cable on amazon and then I came across this masterpiece, and after getting a 3 month advance on my salary, I was in business to finally own one of these beauties. Because of the price amazon decided to send the hdmi cable by armored car.”
- “When I got this cable, it came wrapped in bacon, which I thought was pretty weird, but shrugged it off, slid off my recliner into my Rascal, scooted from the living room to the kitchenette, and started cooking my bacon-wrapping.”
- “I like it, but now I’m homeless.”
A suitable choice indeed.