Before I Go (On Goodbyes, Part 2)

“There are reasons we met, reasons for the good and the bad times, and more importantly, a reason to end. We have more to learn, more to experience, and more loving left in this lifetime.”

–  Unknown

 

Hi there, people I haven’t blogged to in a week! To be honest, I haven’t given a second’s thought to blogging since this past Sunday. That’s mostly because of packing for college, finishing a manuscript, saying goodbye to my friends as they leave, and basically setting up my life for moving into college. So I haven’t had much time for WordPress.

Speaking of college: I go there tomorrow. As in, move out of my house and into my dorm.

Except I’m posting this in the morning, so it’s really TODAY, even though I wrote this Friday night.

Wrapping up my life here hasn’t really gone like I thought it would. For one thing, I didn’t anticipate how busy I’d be. I mean, I knew I’d be swamped, but not all day, every day for my last week here. Today was the busiest of them all, but I got everything done.

Another thing that really struck me is how calm I’ve been about it all.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my share of emotional ups and downs these past few days. I go from being happy to sad to indifferent in about an hour, and I’ve had arguments with a few people I really care about, including my parents and my best friend.

But the actual goodbyes have been calm. One by one, I’ve seen each of my close friends for the last time, and there haven’t been any tears, drama, or regrets. It’s mostly been, “well, I’ll see you for Thanksgiving; until then, keep in touch and stay the same!”

That’s the gist of it, anyway.

A few exceptions to that. One was my girlfriend, who I already mentioned. That hurt a lot more and took a day or two to get over, but now, we’re all adjusted. I went over to her house after we broke up, the day before she left for college, and we had a fun talk.

The other exception is one I had about four hours ago, when I said goodbye to my best friend. I’ve only really been close friends with him for the past year or so, but it’s been a busy year. We’ve talked a lot about school, growing up and that sort of fun stuff, and the more guy-oriented topics like girls and all that. A few of those talks have been the 2 AM types, which I think are the real kind.

Today was the more fun kind of goodbye, running around the neighborhood and of course, talking. It’s funny how in a lot of cases, that’s all you need. And when we said bye, no, it wasn’t emotional or anything like that. Mostly a “see ya,” same as the rest. But the difference with this was how fun it was, not to mention that it was the last of my goodbyes before I go. It was the perfect way to end summer and have a final social event before I go off to college.

You’d think I’d be all broken up about it, right? After all, I was on a severe emotional low on my last day of high school. But I think the difference is that the end of high school is something definitive. No going back. With friends, you can always text or call them. It might get harder as years go by, but you still can.

So, that makes this my big emotional post the night before I start the rest of my life, right?

I don’t mean to disappoint you, but I’m really not that fussed about all of this. Like I said, I’m surprised how tear-free all of this leaving has been, and still is. Maybe it’ll hit me in a week or two and I’ll break down into a huge emotional wreck on my way to Calc.

But. Probably not.

Honestly, right now, everything’s happening way too fast for me to take any of it in. And I’m at the point where I can’t even imagine what my life will be like three days from now, let alone a week or a month or a year, like I used to. A year ago, around the time I started this blog, I had a pretty good idea that I’d be going to college right now. And I knew it would be busy. But did I know I would date the girl of my dreams, then have to break up with her? Or make a really awesome new best friend? Or get a full request from a literary agent?

No. I didn’t.

That makes me both excited and nervous for what life will be like one year from now, or even one month from now. I want to go to college and have fun, but I don’t want to get sucked into anything and come out a different person. I love who I am, and more importantly, I love who my friends are. And if there’s one thing I’m really scared about, it’s that I’ll come home and find that they’re different.

But I don’t have time to worry about that now. Right now, I have to worry about settling into my dorm, and getting along with my roommates, and finding my way around campus. And I’m not really saying goodbye to the friends I have here. Just knocking them down one priority notch for a few months.

So, to wrap it up before my last night in my own bed (for a while): thank you to everyone who’s gotten me here, but especially to the people I love. My amazing family, all my friends, my still-awesome ex-girlfriend, and my best friend who I really hope will keep that title for a good long time. You all have gotten me to this spectacular point in my life, and I’m ready to make the most of it.

Here I go.

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