“Some people tell me I have a short temper. I prefer to call it ‘A swift and assertive reaction to B.S.’”
This post was easy to write. I haven’t been on Twitter that long, but I’ve been on long enough to notice that there are some common behaviors that give me the urge to high-five a lot of people. In the face.
With a chair.
Sorry to sound so bitter…hopefully not too many of my readers demonstrate the behaviors listed below. If so, please stop.
Things people do on Twitter that annoy me the most:
1. Having stupid bios
For anyone unfamiliar with the general structure of Twitter, a bio is the blurb you write about yourself under your profile picture. After spending even a little time on Twitter, you can safely draw the conclusion that no two bios are created equal. Some are full of hashtags of their interests, some just have the Twitter name of their boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. I’ve seen ones with Bible verses tacked on, rhetorical questions (“bio like biology?”) and in quite a few cases, simply, “Everyone follow me!” along with a heap of profanities.
To further my point, I found some bios of Twitter celebrities that are real gems:
- Bobby V.—“CEO BLUKOLLADREAMS! 4GET THE WAGON COME JOIN DA BAND! UPS 2 ALL MA HATERS! NEW ALBUM AVAILABLE NOW!”
- Macy Gray—“I want to be as famous as midnight as powerful as a gun as loved as a pizza”
- Chris Bosh—“The coolest dude alive”
- Shaq—“VERY QUOTATIOUS, I PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESS”
- Miley Cyrus—“Im a dime. best top of the line. cute face slim waste with a BIG behind”
- Draya Michele—“I am not her, she is me! *blowin’ kisses and flippin’ the bird*”
For the record, mine is “I apologize in advance.”
2. Whining to a mystery person about how they act
I know a few people who do this. The majority of tweets will all be things like “why don’t you grow up?” or “fine, I hate you too” or anything along that line. Except for the tiny glitch that the tweets aren’t ADDRESSED to anyone.
I understand that Twitter is a venting place. But there’s a difference between venting and directly yelling at a person who isn’t there. Maybe a lot of people reading this are thinking I’m a cold and heartless person who doesn’t care about the problems of others. If my friends have a problem they want to talk to me about, just let me know! Heck, tweet about it; I did say Twitter was a venting place. But as soon as you start throwing out the messages to no one, I won’t know if something’s wrong. I’ll just wonder if you’re crazy.
3. Tweeting unintelligible nonsense
To quote Liam Neeson from Taken, “you’re telling water not to be wet.” I get it; Twitter is a place to say whatever you want. Go ahead. But there are some things I’ve read that no one could possibly decipher or derive any meaning from. Examples include tweets such as “what’s shakin bacon” which is sadly a real example. I don’t know, sir…what is, indeed, shaking?
4. Excessively tweeting at celebrities
First of all, I get where you’re coming from. It’s cool to be able to message famous people. I’ve done it myself, and I even got a direct message from the lead actor of—you guessed it—Super 8.
But there are some people who create Twitter accounts specifically to constantly bombard the members of One Direction with tweets about how awesome they are. This isn’t a mortal sin, but if you’re going to do it, please warn me so I can unfollow you pre-emptively.
5. TWEETING CONSTANTLY
According to a study in 2009, the most active person on Twitter had a total of 1,560,818 tweets, with an average of 2,268 tweets per day. And this was in 2009, four years ago. Does this gentleman have a problem? Yeah, I’d say so. Granted, he only had twenty-eight followers at the time, but that contradicts my point. There are lots of people who tweet literally every thirty seconds, yet they still have hundreds of followers. I don’t understand the point of following someone who spills their thoughts every second of every day.
But then again, I don’t really understand Twitter, either.